Ok so. I’ve been watching in the sidelines the somewhat chaotic and blown out of proportion situation surrounding Skyler Kergils latest post about acceptance and comfort surrounding the word vagina and I thought I’d wager in to see if I’m the only one who as this opinion….
Before I start I’ll save several hundred of you the hassle of inboxing me. Yes yes I am obviously very much aware that I am cis and that many of you will think that I have about as much right voicing my views, opinions and thoughts on trans matters as a white guy talking about black suppression. But for those of you who are educated beyond a four year old, you will see that my write up is from a place of discussion and broad audience based!
So. Theres been a lot of hate flying around on tumblr over the past few days and not just aimed at Sky. I (and many others) have noticed recently that tumblr’s trans community has very much become a place of rants, depressive posts and bitching, “and why not” many of you are surly thinking and I agree! Being trans is hard, it’s awful! I cant count how many nights I’ve sat holding friends whilst they cry onto me about how awful they feel and see the cut marks on their bodies and have to listen to people I love tell me that they actually just want to die then live as the way they are. So a sad post every now and then or every day even is obviously not going to be frowned upon by anyone that understands, trans or cis. HOWEVER. The attacking of anyone who as anything remotely positive or encouraging to say other than GIC (in the UK) dates and surgery updates is somewhat distasteful. I have read Sky’s write up as well as many of the response several times and have come to the conclusion that many people have just grabbed the wrong end of the stick or blown it out of proportion or even in some cases twisted his thoughts and views.
Firstly, I am happy for Sky that he has been able to find some form of clarity and comfort after years of battling with crippling dysphoria. In the UK, it’s less of a case of IF you’re able to have bottom surgery and more of a WHEN due to our NHS (National Health Service) that pretty much funds everything medical based for us including trans based surgeries. So in the UK, it’s more of a waiting game and decision if its the right option, although I understand that thats not the case globally. So for those who are in the horrible situation whereby they may want bottom surgery but are not in a position to get it, three options seem to come about:
I’ve struggled to try and figure a way to explain my own personal thoughts and feelings towards this subject. And I’ve come up with two examples which hopefully get my views across. In these examples Im talking now from a generalised overview of taboo considered topics in the trans community and not just Sky’s.
Im gay and It’s taken a while for that to be ok in my head even though I’m 25. It doesn’t bother me at all now in any way shape or form. However, looking back at how I felt for all those years, I would not force my views onto anyone. Just because I’m ‘out of the closet’ doesn’t give me the right to push aside the Topman leather vests and drag another out here too. Just because I am comfortable with something and my own personal logic seems to justify it, doesn’t mean I can force everyone else to be comfortable too. But, there is no reason that I can’t try and explain how I as a person have come to terms with being comfortable with my sexuality in the hope that it may help others. I know that it may not be valid to everyone and some people may disagree or even be offended, but my views are there, if you were to like them then thats great if not then move on and work your way through more advice until you find something that suits you. What works for one person may not work for another, and the same goes with advice and life lessons and learning how to cope with things.
My other example is more based around those who seem to be disgusted with trans people stating they are comfortable in some way with themselves….
I hate religion, I really do. I think its a tool used to control the weak minded and stops basic progression of human rights and science. Extremist christians cause so many problems in the word (google The Most Hated Family In America and you’ll see). But, in some ways, I am every jealous of religious people. I envy the amount of joy they are able to gain from their beliefs and hope much faith they have. I wish I had something that brought my family close together like religion brings religious families together. So, although I don’t like the cause, I wish I had the outcome. And I hope that this is a view others can take, cause although many of you don’t agree with Sky’s views, I know for a fact you all want the same out come, surly? Please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong in thinking that anyone who is trans that reads this is not interested in lowering their levels of dysphoria and feeling better and less dysphoric?
So, my thoughts are what works for one might not work for another. I also understand the frustration based around the idea of ‘Vagina Pride’. I think the term pride is very much an LGB thing and the T has been assumed to want and feel the same, pride. I can understand the frustration about this part of recent videos more than anything else. “Why would I have pride in a part of my body that most people would use to define my gender of which I hate” and I agree with this statement. And this is where I feel the lines between Transexual and Transgender and Genderqueer become very much blurred. But again, what one person may be ok with might be another persons death sentence! I also have come to understand that News Stations are posting Vagina Pride of Trans Men in the Women’s section of their websites (trust a gay news website ran by gays to do this) which is obviously going to add more rule to the fire when it comes to the whole, genitalia does not define a person concept.
So my final views and thought. I am happy to go along with anything someone is comfortable with. I wish a lot of my friends were as ok in their heads with themselves as some of the people I see making posts such as the ones discussed and I hope that they are, but I understand it most likely won’t be for the same reasons. I don’t like the idea of people attacking people for being happy, content and comfortable but at the same time I am very much aware of the other current battle of genderqueer people being perceived as making transexual people look like jokes (this isn’t a topic for now). There is a fine line between being HAPPY with something and learning to deal with something and coping and being ok with it. Im not promoting the concept that everyone who is trans should love their bodies cause its somewhat oxymoronic, if you loved your body then why transition many would argue, rather, being more rewarding to coping techniques and not punishing as it seems to fall against your views. Be happy that someone is finding ways to deal with something that surly yourselves as trans people understand how difficult it is to live with.
I know all to well that public portrayal and media influence plays a huge part in personal acceptance and comfort. As does social construct and ideals. These are things we can not change in a week or even a life time. Pink will always be a girls colour and blue will always be boys. Heels are for girls and not for boys ect ect, these are going nowhere. So rather than being concerned as to how OTHERS portray you and your personal thoughts and ideals, consider how they may help your personal, mental and physical wellbeing, as I also know that many are scared to feel, do or say certain things in fear of how it is perceived to those around them, known or not. Would it not just be better to focus on learning to deal how you yourself wants to deal with something and not what others may think of it?
Finally!!!! After 2 years I’ve finally been taken on by Leeds GIC!!!! I was referred in 2012 and had my 1st initial assessment appointment in August 2013 and now I have my first proper appointment 14th April!!!!!! So happy and relieved finally I’m going to get my journey to top surgery underway! So ready for this!!!
Clea not me……..